


Needed

by NAXX_08645



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band), SEVENTEEN - Fandom
Genre: Anorexic Minghao, Anorexic Wonwoo, Depressed Minghao, Eating Disorders, Everyone is super gay okay?, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Gyuhao, I will add more ships on the future, M/M, Sexual Content, Wonhui - Freeform, non idol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2018-12-07 19:32:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11630400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NAXX_08645/pseuds/NAXX_08645
Summary: Xu Minghao is skinny, everybody can tell, everybody but him. He moved from China to Seoul to follow his dream being a professional dancer and has a crush on non other than Kim Mingyu, that doesn't knows about Minghao's disorder yet and has a girlfriend which only makes Minghao feel worse. The like to cuddle and Minghao isn't agains't it.He loved Kim Mingyu but hated himself. He could be skinnier, have a better personality, a better face.Wonwoo was almost the same as Minghao, and Jun starts to notice that.





	1. I won't eat/tell

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting a fanfic here! I always wanted to write a seventeen AU but didn't had time/inspiration for it. I write them based on one idea and from that idea devolves the rest of the story. I might add some other ships on the way. We'll see~

 

_“200 from the patty, 250 from the bread, 500 from the bacon, 300 and so from the cheese, 200 from the mayonnaise, 60 from the ketchup… and almost 200 on the cola.”_

 

Minghao stopped whispering and looked at his plate once again, he let out a sigh and offered the one sitting on his right his meal, which accepted it without hesitate and started eating the hamburger furiously.

 “Soonyoung” He stood up and called to his friend that was on the other side of the room as he was approaching to him “I don’t feel well, I will get going”

 “Ah, sure” The older stood up and patted him on the shoulders. “Do you want me to ride you home?”

 “No, don’t worry about me” He waved and walked outside off the restaurant as the latter waved back heading back to his previous conversation.

Pulling up his hood and hiding his hands inside his pockets he started walking back to his house as it wasn’t that far from where he was. It was for sure freezing outside and he wasn’t going to let himself get sick again since that last time he got sick it took almost a month for him to fully recover.

He was for sure that he would regret going to the party his classmates decided to make up to celebrate the end of exams and the begging of the semester vacations. At first he was excited, he loved  parties and hanging out but then his excitement dropped when he heard they were going to that new hamburger place that none of them had been before but one or two of them.

But somehow Chan and Jun convinced him to go, even when he accepted he knew it will end like this, he deciding to leave earlier. He got a huge wave of illness by just looking at the hamburger and its grease slide down from the patty. He could have thrown up by just looking at it.

 

He had been like this by almost 6 years now; he was now 20 years old and in collage and had a mayor in dance. It was his dream to dance for a living along with Chan, Soonyoung and Junhui; while Jun was taking at the same time classes on theatre and Chan on Graphic Design.

It wasn’t hard to convince his parents of letting him to study what he wanted to be in life, they have always be super supportive with what Minghao wanted to do, even when he was back in China. It was because of his parents that he was able to be in Seoul following his dream of being a professional dancer. He didn’t have bad grades, he didn’t was a rebellious kid, he didn’t insulted at his parents, he was a good son.

 

But wasn’t a perfect son.

 

Since he was 14 he started to be self conscious about what he was eating and his weight. He was in school and indeed, he was a bit chubby, but not THAT chubby, he has always been skinny as it was his body type.

He started to compare his body to others and realized he was fatter than his classmates –even if he wasn’t – He started eating less and practicing on his dance classes and even staying after everyone had left the studio, and it became his job on closing the doors before leaving.

He did got thinner, a lot, and it started to be a concern to his parents that once sat with him on the dinner table and asked him if something was wrong, of course he lied. And his parents loved him so much to ever got mad or refuse him, so he escaped.

At the time passed he started to stop craving for food and got used to eating just one meal a day and even on that only meal, he would look up to the calories he was eating on everything.

 

He didn’t had any friends back in China, at least to him they weren’t real friends. They just suddenly started to be around him and approached at him first because of the one earring he had at that time, now being one out of five he had. He kind of enjoyed being with them but he felt like was distant with them, when they asked him to hang out after school, they all will start getting in pairs or on small groups and start chatting between them, that made Minghao felt lonely and started to hang less with them and just passing his days studying, on his room, or on the dance studio.

He was happy to now have friends that cared about him and that had the same passions as him. They were really good friends, amazing friends, idiots but he also was one so it was fine.

 

He arrived to his house and immediately went up stairs, entered his bedroom and dropped on his bed rolling over it to take the phone that he left charging on his side table, because he fell asleep on the evening and completely forgot to charge it.

 **“Will you ever answer at the same hour as I message you?”** He read out loud as he saw the 9 new messages he got from his… kind of best friend.

**“You should already be used to it, It’s been like what, 4 years?”**

**“5 Years, you asshole”**

**“Oh have my dearest apologies”**

 

And then he saw a entering call appear on the screen that surprised him a bit but pick it up immediately as it was from the same person he was texting with a seconds ago.

“You are mean to me Hao”

“You are just so fucking hurt by everything Gyu” He responded harshly trying to not laugh as his whining voice. “And I do have a reason for not replying at the same hour this time”

“If you tell me you fell asleep and left your phone without charging it I will punch you when I get to your house”

“Then don’t come” He softly laughed.

“I knew it! Whatever, I’m still going, be prepared for a kick in the ass”

“You sure you want to kick the ass of someone who has been training in martial arts since he was 5 years old?”

Mingyu stayed in silence as Minghao wasn’t trying to laugh but smiling with a winning smirk all over his face.

“I have my tactics, okay? I’m almost there, open the door quickly cause it’s freezing like hell out here.”

“Isn’t hell supposed to be on fire?”

“Shut up and open the door”

 

He giggled and rolled off his bed to fell on the floor and then standing up looking to his red hoodie that was really not his size but that’s how he liked it. He took of the plain white one he was wore at the party and changed quickly and went downstairs to open the door to see his tall best-kind-of-friend with snow on the top of his head and a bit on his shoulders.

 

“It started snowing” 

“Yeah, I couldn’t tell” Minghao said sarcastically as he pulled Mingyu by the wrist inside and closed the door behind him.

“I think I told you to open the door quickly!” Mingyu whined looking at him pouting and faking puppy eyes.

“I didn’t took 20 minutes this time, be grateful” Minghao couldn’t help but to smile about how Mingyu was too childish sometimes while he swinged his arm that he was still grabbing by the wrist.

“You are so mean with me” Mingyu said again as he hugged Minghao and indeed, he was cold and made Minghao felt a little sorry. He hugged him back caressing his back trying to warm him a little.

“Sowie” Minghao said looking at him being now he the one with puppy eyes and a fake sad expression that made Mingyu hug him tightly.

He really loved to hug and being hugged, he loved to cuddle and being cuddled. Both of them did.

He could have kissed him if he didn’t knew he has a girlfriend.

 

Minghao and Mingyu had been texting back then when he was on China. He used to record himself practicing the dances that he will present on stage later online after recording the same dance up to 10+ times until he was satisfied with the result, Mingyu also loved to dance but not as much as Minghao, but that didn’t stopped him to post some comments here and there, and Minghao replying to them, and the same all over again.

He got to know Soonyoung the same way too; the older almost dies from excitement when Minghao told him that he was going to Seoul, and told Minghao that he was going to join his crew so better to be prepared.

 

Minghao had a crush on Mingyu.

 

Mingyu didn’t told him that he had a girlfriend. When they were together watching a movie at Mingyu’s house like 5 months ago, both sat next to each other cuddling because of Minghao that was always cold for obvious reasons, and he suddenly said it, making Minghao’s heart broken into a million of pieces. Actually it wasn’t that dramatic, he just cuddled more into Mingyu’s chest with the excuse he wasn’t feeling well.

He was happy to have the chance of being like this with his crush, he never had seen his girlfriend and wasn’t sure if he wanted too. He couldn’t fight with a pretty, skinny and cute girl. He reminded to himself the same every day.

 

“I’m also cold” Minghao whispered hiding in the taller’s chest as he was feeling sad again by remembering that he couldn’t had Kim Mingyu.

 

Not just because he had a girlfriend and everything but because, obviously, how could him like someone like Minghao? A fat guy who spoke a not so well Korean. He wanted to be skinnier; he wanted to be loved by Mingyu, by someone. His parents loved him, but he knew they wouldn’t if they ever found out that he hid his meals on bags that he dropped on the school trash bins the day after.

 

He felt terrible.

He was a bad son.

 

And let’s not talk if they ever found out that he was gay. His dad would beat him up and his mother would not try to stop him from doing it.

 “Want to cuddle? Or want me to make you something? We can make hot chocolate.”

 Minghao looked up at him and whispered “cuddle” trying to sound cute, but cringing internally at himself.

 

He was a kid. So does Mingyu.

 

The taller held Minghao by the wrist and walked towards the living room  sitting on the couch patting next to him to Minghao to sit next to him what he did and hugged Mingyu as the latter hugged him back.

 “Did you eat?”

 “Yeah, at the party” He lied. He never told anyone about his disorder, they didn’t wanted him or anyone to stop him until he reach the weight he wanted.

 

He only had told his seatmate Wonwoo about it, cause he was almost the same as him but not as extreme as Minghao, and they kept each other secret really well, they were almost best friends, even if Minghao didn’t believed that saying of “friends for life” or shit like that.

Wonwoo was the first on talking to Minghao. He was on the rooftop that he discovered a little after the classes started, Soonyoung was the one that told him about that and they will often hang out there with Woozi and Joshua to smoke some cigarettes and gossip of the relation of the literature professor with the English teacher and the rumor of her being pregnant. 

He had said to the others that he wanted to rest a bit as he was feeling a bit dizzy so they left to the cafeteria. He used to skip lunch time almost every day, and Wonwoo noticed that because he did the same thing.

 

“Aren’t you going to eat?” One time Wonwoo said to him on the rooftop which surprised Minghao a little. And like that they became close.

 

“You are so skinny, where does that food go?” Mingyu said grabbing Minghao’s waist being able to feel a bit of his ribs, Minghao was grateful he was wearing that big hoodie at that moment. 

“Oh come on, I wish I could have abs like yours” Minghao said trying to change the subject as he started to tense a little. It happened every god damn time when he talked about his weight.

“But you do have abs!”

“Not as big as yours” Minghao pouted.

“If you grew up a litt- Ow!!”

 

He loved an idiot.


	2. "You look really cool dancing"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonwoo did had a crush on Wen Junhui. Junhui was confused about everything but still was going to give it a try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The little story about how Wonwoo and Jun got closer. Just a bit, but closer than before.

 

Wonwoo threw his head backwards letting out a loud moan as he collapsed in the bed closing his eyes trying to breathe as he felt another weight fall next to him.

“You okay babe?”

He nodded in response and got closer to his boyfriend letting himself wrap up in his embrace.

“Come on, let’s go eat, it’s late”

“Don’t wanna…” He whispered in response snuggling into Jun’s chest.

“But you need to eat, you didn’t had lunch or breakfast today and all you ate yesterday was that donut at the park”

Wonwoo didn’t replied, he seriously didn’t wanted to eat, he wasn’t even hungry, his body had already gotten used to not eating that much, rarely he felt hungry.

Jun let out a sigh and hugged tightly his boyfriend letting little pecks all over his face. Wonwoo was so thin already and not eating would only have bad consequences that he wouldn’t let happen.

“Please?...” He whispered close to the younger’s ear feeling how he flinched a little letting out a smile on his face.

“But can w- Junhui, we legit fucked two times in a row and my ass really hurts. Can we take a break?” Wonwoo whined grabbing somehow the box of tissues of the night table to clean his self up and throw the tissues somewhere on the floor when he finished.

Jun couldn’t help but to giggle a little.

“Fine, but please…, let’s go out, let me take you on a date and let’s go eat tons”

 

Wonwoo sighed and nodded. He hadn’t told Junhui about his disorder yet, but he was sure it was kind of obvious anyways, but he also wasn’t going to let him worry all the time so he would try his best to eat, at least when he was with his boyfriend.

They took a shower, got dressed, Wonwoo borrowed one of his boyfriend’s big sweaters that was almost Wonwoo’s as he loved to use his sweaters and knew Jun loved how he looked with them, and went downstairs.

“You two are going on a date?”

His mother smiled at them and stopped the movie she was watching on the living room walking towards them.

“Yup~”

Jun said happily leaving a kiss on Wonwoo’s mom’s cheek as they were heading to the entrance. Wonwoo repeated what Jun did and left the house.

His mother was honestly so cute, he didn’t said it often but he had the sweetest mom ever, his dad was also… kind of, his dad was mostly making bad jokes and laughing at them by himself, but he loved his parents that way.

 

His parents did know about his disorder, and Wonwoo didn’t knew but they actually were the ones that told Jun about it. Jun almost dies when he heard about it, he didn’t wanted his boyfriend to be locked up on a hospital on rehabilitation, so he made the promise to his boyfriend’s parents to make sure that Wonwoo will eat, and that was what he had been doing until now.

Jun took Wonwoo to his favorite coffee shop that was nearby, they both used to go there and it became their favorite place. As they entered they greeted Mingyu who was in the front desk making some drinks.

They sat and soon Mingyu came with the menu on his hands hanging it to both of them.

“Arrived just at the end of my shift, rude”

“Be grateful that we are here” Wonwoo said checking the menu in detail to what Jun smiled sadly.

“Going to Hao’s house?” The taller nodded.

“You two didn’t went to the party? I heard that his class was having a party tonight”

“Didn’t wanted” Wonwoo answered fixing his glasses, Jun was in a different class so he didn’t wanted to go either, he would have gone if Wonwoo was going tho.

Mingyu took his orders and headed back to the kitchen. They both stayed in silence for a while, staring at each other, making faces, laughing and smiling.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay at your house tonight?” Jun said caressing his boyfriend’s hand gently.

Wonwoo said no. He already got in trouble with his dad the last time he saw them cuddling on the living room. He didn’t wanted to get his boyfriend in problems with his family.

 

Jun’s family didn’t knew about their relationship and Wonwoo was okay with that, since them were completely against about homosexuals, transsexuals and everything. They would definitely kick Jun out of the house if they ever founded out.

They were completely the opposite of Wonwoo’s family, they even told Jun if he got in trouble he could come to their house, to what Jun was grateful, he really loved his boyfriend’s parents, they were the best parents ever and was glad that they were okay with their relationship and supportive with the younger’s disorder.

When they decided to tell his family, indeed, they were scared, who wouldn’t? But when they did, his parents smiled widely and hugged both of them. His parents were glad Wonwoo had someone as good as Jun as his boyfriend. Jun was almost as their son.

 

Mingyu soon was back with a plate with what they have ordered. He placed the French toast and cappuccino on Jun’s said and a cup of black coffee on Wonwoo’s.

Jun looked at him with a bit of sadness in his eyes and Wonwoo just looked down and started to stir his coffee. He didn’t wanted to disappoint Jun but it was hard, he even hated coffee but liked the smell of it and that was what made him drink it often.

“You know that you need to eat…” Jun called him softly grabbing again his hand to caress the back of it.

Wonwoo nodded.

He would try.

Just for him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You totally have a crush on him”

Wonwoo almost spits out his drink, but punched Minghao’s shoulder instead.

“Could you shut up? I will never come to your practices again if you keep saying the same thing every goddamn time”

“Then stop looking at him like you want to eat him”

And Wonwoo punched his best friend’s shoulder again.

 

But, come on. Junhui sweating because of practice with a sleeveless over sized black shirt and skinny ripped jeans with his hair pulled back, and him dancing, like, please. Who wouldn’t be hypnotized by him? Well he was.

He has been watching him since the first time he agreed to go to his best friend’s practices after school. And he couldn’t help himself to not do it since then.

Of course he knew who Junhui was, the quiet friendly Chinese student that sat on the back of the class. But he didn’t knew about this side of Junhui.

They have talked a bit before, and for a bit was when Junhui asked him the hour. He was cute, and of course, he was handsome. Wonwoo couldn’t still understand how someone could be cute and hot as fuck at the same time. Jun was so sweat and caring with his friends and that just made Wonwoo’s mind go even crazier.

“You at least should try and talk to him”

“I should just kill myself instead then. Come on, you said you will teach me that move you showed me last time, it’s like the second time I let you teach me, you shouldn’t be wasting time”

“Okay, okay, don’t get mad at me Won” The younger said standing up and helping his best friend to get up as well.

It was so obvious. Minghao at the same time thought Junhui already knew, no, he hadn’t told him, Wonwoo would kill him if he did. Wonwoo having a boyfriend, it would be so cute and funny to watch.

He knew he would be exhausted. And fuck he was. He didn’t had a full life dedicated to dance or something, they had been practicing by at least half an hour and Wonwoo was already panting on the floor. Not being professionally trained and having nothing on his stomach since two days ago didn’t helped at all.

“I know it’s hard but it looks amazing so I wanna try it, don’t worry I will do it” Minghao said hanging the elder his water bottle that Wonwoo accepted giggling. He was so tired to deal with Minghao.

“You did well tho, I’m impressed”

“It’s not like I can’t dance, jerk”

“Hey you two! We are going to watch a movie at Jihoon’s, wanna come?” Soonyoung called with an arm wrapped around his boyfriend’s shoulders, who was kind of pouting.

Soonyoung didn’t get the indirect of going with Jihoon to his house to watch a movie since there was not going to be anyone there until tomorrow. But he was cool with his boyfriend’s friend coming over anyways.

They both nodded and somehow stood up following the rest to the exit.

 

“You should talk to him”

“Stop, I won’t! What if he rejects me?”

“For god sake, it’s obvious that he feels something for you” Chan whispered back checking his phone.

“Like a death wish? Yeah, it could be, I want my death to arrive later, thank you”

Chan didn’t replied but punched the elder’s side making him almost fall.

 

Wonwoo was adorable and also good looking. He almost get’s kicked by Soonyoung when he was staring at him on the mirror while they were practicing the choreography for their competition.

They watched the movie on the living room sat on the carpet instead of the couches. Somehow Wonwoo was right next to Jun, not letting neither of them watch the movie in peace, and everyone on the room noticed and tried not to smile at it.

It was late, and they were exhausted and Soonyoung already fell asleep on Jihoon’s lap. And somehow they convinced Jihoon to let them sleep on his living room.

Minghao was already knocked out over Chan’s chest, the younger caressing his hair and still checking his phone probably on twitter or something, nobody really knew. Wonwoo was trying to sleep while facing at Junhui’s back

Suddenly Jun turned and was now facing a very surprised Wonwoo. He followed Chan's advice and would try to talk to him, he sometimes felt the gaze of Wonwoo over him so... could it be? It was hard to believe, but what he could lost by trying? A lot of things, but he still wanted to give it a try.

Wonwoo was glad they were on the dark, that way Jun wouldn’t be able to watch his probably red face, and he could tell that by the way his face was burning and his heart pounding at a quick pace.

“Can’t sleep?” Jun whispered in his soft voice that Wonwoo adored hearing.

“Yeah” was all he could say.

“Same… You danced really well today”

“Thanks” He whispered after a pair of seconds making up his mind. He saw him dancing.

Oh god.

“You too, you really look amazing while dancing” He finally said.

“Thanks” Jun giggled a bit.

They stayed quiet for a bit, staring at each other. Wonwoo could have looked somewhere else to stop his face from burning but decided to keep looking at him, who knew if he could be able to be this close to him ever again.

“Um…” Jun started “Our competition is on Tuesday, want to come?”

Wonwoo stayed in silence. He knew about it, Minghao told him to go too but it wasn’t the same as when Jun asked him this time.

He nodded in response making a smile draw on Jun’s face.

“Can I have your number? To email you the directions and everything” Jun said quietly still smiling.

He died. Was this real? Was he asking his number?

“Yeah” Wonwoo whispered as he grabbed his phone and Jun his.

After a couple of seconds after giving his phone number he felt his phone vibrate in his hands, he looked up to the message on the screen.

**“You look cute while blushing too, good night ^^”**

Jun smiled as he saw a nervous Wonwoo almost dropping his phone over his face.

“Good night~” He repeated poking slightly the younger’s cheek and turning back to his previous position smiling widely.

“G-Good night…” He whispered and turned back as well.

 **“You look cool dancing”** Wonwoo typed.

**“You too! I didn’t knew you could dance so well”**

**“I danced for a while on high school”**

**“That explains why”**

They continued texting to each other as they were slowly falling asleep.

 

Minghao was right, he was mad at admitting it but he did, he had a crush on Junhui.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this was long. I think I can't make shorter chapters~ Wonwoo is so cute, Junhui is so cute. How can they both be cute and handsome at the same time?! It's amazing, really. Hope you liked this chapter! I'm impressed so many people have read the first one already ;; Please let me know what you think and feel free to give me any ideas for the next chapters! Also I wanted to make like... one-shots, if you have any request for one feel free to ask for it! I will be glad on making it~ Take care and thanks for reading!


	3. Okay?

“…I feel a million miles away,  
still you connect me in your way,  
and you created me,   
something I would’ve never seen,  
when I can only see the floor,  
you made of my window a door  
so when the say they don’t believe,  
I hope that they see you and me.

After all the lights go down,  
I’m just the words, you are the sound,  
a strange of chemistry,   
you’ve become a part of me.

And when I sit alone at night,  
your thoughts burn through me like a fire,  
you’re the only one who knows…”

 

“Hao, you left the door unlocked again” He heard Mingyu said as he looked up to him and saw one of his earphones on his hand.

He whined and rolled himself in the blankets his back now facing his crush in an attempt to hide the increasing blush on his cheeks and ears. It was like the fifth time Mingyu interrupted the song right before the god damn chorus.

Minghao felt how Mingyu sat next to him in his not-so-large bed and his hand caressing over his head.

“I swear to god Xu Minghao, one day someone will break into your house and steal all your furniture”

“Then I can steal yours” He turned now facing the ceiling “Weren’t you supposed to come at 4?”

“It’s 4:20 Hao”

The Chinese pouted and covered himself more with the blankets, he was freezing. He had been in bed since he woke up because of his dizziness for not eating for almost a week now.

“Any reason why you made me spring out of the shower to come here?”

“Not really, just the same as always I guess”

Mingyu nodded. He knew, he knew better than anyone that Minghao wasn’t the happiest person ever and that he could just randomly start feeling sad and lonely, but that was why he was there in that moment, he wouldn’t let his best friend feel worse while he had him as his best friend.

Yes, a best friend, just that. Minghao is tired of repeating the same fucking word over and over inside of his head every time, it doesn’t depends whether Mingyu is with him or not, because he would think of him during the hole week.

Mingyu lied on the bed next to him, and made Minghao’s head to rest over his chest letting him to hear the latter’s heartbeats in a perfect rhythm.

It was painful, how couldn’t it be? To know that there was someone who could make Mingyu way happier than he was with him, someone who Mingyu loved a lot more than him, someone that made the perfect heartbeats he was hearing go to an even faster rhythm.

There were close, there were ridiculously close. It was like there were a thin wall, thin as paper between them, but that thin as paper wall was strong like a stone, if he broke that wall, the hole pieces will flew over to Mingyu, the pieces will embed in his skin, it would make him bleed, and run away from where he was.

And go to her.

It was his reality no matter how much he would sometimes force his mind to forget Mingyu’s girlfriend and only focus on the moment when he is in his arms, when he feels finally a little bit better, just a tiny bit, but he felt a lot better when he was by his side; he isn’t able to forget her.

Minghao pressed his face as he felt his eyes start to water, it wasn’t good, he couldn’t cry in front of Mingyu and by something that stupid.

Mingyu pulled him closer making Minghao be almost on top of him but neither of them could care less.

_I’m sorry that you have a shitty and ugly best friend like me Gyu._

_I’m really sorry._

“Does it hurts?”

“It does a little but it will decrease soon” Minghao replied as they went down the mall where he got another piercing in the top of his right ear.

Wonwoo rolled his eyes and giggled caressing his own new piercings that he got, two on the top of his ear. It was his first time ever having earrings but it was something that he always wanted to do, but was insecure about, Minghao had finally found a way of convincing him of getting a pair. He really just told him:

“Okay, if you get one I will get one with you”

“Okay”

And that was pretty much it.

“How is everything with your crush?”

Minghao pouted. “The same as everything I guess, he got a call from his girlfriend and left to the hallway and I could hear his stupid laugh from there”

“Dude, I really think you should see someone else”

“Even if is someone else, let me lose my stomach fat to be presentable”

Wonwoo stayed in silence. He knew he couldn’t go there with Minghao and Minghao couldn’t go there with Wonwoo either. It would leave to a whole day of discussion between the two of them, they knew it perfectly.

“Remember the time I told you about that friend of mine who was staring at you during your dance competition?”

“Ah, the creepy dude?”

“Even after your presentation ended he kept talking about you, he knew you from the campus but he didn’t knew you danced that good”

Minghao nodded definitely disinterested. Everyone would be amazed by his dancing, he dedicated his life to it, maybe that’s why he was so good. 

“You should give him a chance, he totally is into you”

“Is he gay?”

“The gayest person I know, so yeah”

Minghao sighed. He could give it a try, he really didn’t care if it worked or not, it could made him at least feel a bit loved, Mingyu loved him but… not in that way and it hurts to remember it each time.

Wonwoo at that moment sent a message to the “creepy dude” to set up a date for him and Minghao to meet. They finally decided on tomorrow on a close café near from where they were, he had dance practice but he could easily skip it and go on Monday.

Maybe the dude will escape after he sees him but whatever.

 

 

Minghao was late. No surprise. He took way longer than expected on getting ready and he was nervous, and he didn’t knew why. Maybe he did knew but his mind couldn’t admit it.

He rushed into the café gaining various pairs of eyes over him, making him more embarrassed than he was already. He looking at the floor finished entering the café and started to search for this dude called…, called…, fuck he couldn’t remember. At least it was a normal sounding name so he wasn’t that worried now.

And if not knowing his name was bad already, he had no idea of how this guy looked so he could be anyone inside the café. He was an idiot and this proved it.

He was going to the front desk to ask if someone here was waiting for him to arrive before he feels a soft pat on his shoulder making him turn and was now facing a beautiful handsome person.

Oh god, is it him? It can’t be him, Minghao thought to himself.

“You are Minghao right?”

Fuck.

“Y-Yeah” He replied cursing at himself inside of his head for hesitating in his words.

The guy smiled widely. “I’m Jeonghan, you are Wonwoo’s friend right?” He nodded “Let’s sit”

Minghao followed him to where Jeonghan – god, even his name sounds good, how is it possible – was sat and sit in front of him feeling the most awkward he has been for a while.

Was this at all a good at idea after all? He was practically using Jeonghan to try to forget about how shit he feels with his relationship with Mingyu. Even if it’s sad to remember, he had loved Mingyu all these 6 years since he met him online, and his feelings weren’t going to disappear from one day to another or maybe a month to another, and it sucked.

“Are you okay?”

He looked up to Jeonghan and looked down again, he felt terrible.

“I’m sorry…, this isn’t okay”

Jeonghan watched him in silence while Minghao was trying to recover his breath and calm himself from crying. He was a crybaby and he knew it, he would sometimes cry because the laundry isn’t dry yet.

“You are a beautiful and an amazing person from what Wonwoo had told me, I don’t deserve someone like you to be with someone like me” Just as he felt for Mingyu “Y-You might not know but-“

“You like someone else, right?”

Minghao’s heart pounded hard on his chest, he felt small, he was biting harshly his bottom lip trying to stop his watery eyes.

Inside his thoughts he felt how Jeonghan’s hand was placed over his and his gaze over him.

“I know, Wonwoo told me about it”

He’s dead.

“Listen I know that it would be hard, you are an amazing person, you are cute and beautiful at the same time, you are talented, you are strong for dealing with those feelings for this long, and I indeed am attracted to you and I will try to get a place, even if is small, a place in your heart. I might not be able to win over him, but I will try to make you smile”

“What if I don’t stop loving him?”

“Of course you won’t stop loving him, you have been in love with him so many years, it would be almost impossible to forget him”

“Then why?”

“Because… I really don’t know” He giggled “It wouldn’t be the first time someone rejects me, but I don’t feel hurt or lonely, I’m happy for their happiness and for the feelings and emotions they gave me, they are inside my heart”

“Is that possible?”

He nodded “At least that’s my case, it’s weird isn’t it?” He caressed the back of his hand with his thumb as he saw that Minghao was now calming a bit.

“T-Then is okay, I guess”

Jeonghan smiled “Don’t force yourself”

“No… i-it’s fine…”

“Thanks”

Was it really fine?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY. SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE ;;;;;;;;;; I've been procrastinating with my last year of school and my depression/anxiety/shit in my head and my grandma that is visiting and she's always checking what I do so I can't really write ;; Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading! Would try to update more often ><


	4. Bother

“I can’t believe you did told Jeonghan that I liked someone else” Minghao said as he flopped over Wonwoo’s bed letting his head rest over his best friend’s lap who was doing some kind of essay on his laptop.

“Would you had preferred if he founded out later?”

He pouted

“Shut up”

“How was it today anyways?” Wonwoo said while adjusting his glasses.

“He is hot”

“I told you”

“But still” He pushed himself up and rested his head now against Wonwoo’s shoulder clinging into his arm “I feel like shit for him, someone like him bothering to be with someone as shitty as m- Wonwoo!” He pouted again covering with one hand his forehead that was now bright red from the flick Wonwoo gave him there.

“Shut up, it was Jeonghan’s decision, you didn’t forced him to date you, and being clear again, he doesn’t does this because he feels sorry for you, he seriously likes you idiot”

“How can someone like someone like me?” Minghao felt his voice broke a bit while he spoke and flopped again beside Wonwoo looking at the ceiling.

It was something that always was inside his mind. “How can someone date me?” Someone as broke, ugly, fat, ill as him, who would? Mingyu wouldn’t even if he didn’t had a girlfriend, he didn’t even deserved to be best friends with someone as amazingly caring and an amazing person as Mingyu that made several times type a “we need to talk” to him but started crying soon after and never ever got to sent those texts.

He had amazing parents that didn’t deserved that he son turned into something like this, they were an amazing couple that deserved an amazing son to fulfill their beautiful lives but here he was. Oops.

Then there was Soonyoung, Chan and Junhui, amazing people and then he, a human mistake.

Wonwoo was too nice to him and that didn’t helped either, it only made it worse because he was bringing his fucked up life into his fucking amazing best friend and couldn’t help to feel like a bother several times.

Then Mingyu.

“Hao”

 “What?” He replied soflty looking up at him to see his best friend with his eyebrows furrowed “What?” He said again.

Wonwoo didn’t said anything, he felt how his hand reached to his cheek and his thumb caressed over it and was just then when he felt it.

He was crying.

“S-Sorry” He said finally coming to his senses and sitting letting some of the tears that were resting over his eyes fall over his hands.

“Shut up” Wonwoo said letting his laptop on the floor and bringing his best friend to sit on his lap so he could hug him more comfortably.

Minghao didn’t hesitate and wrapped his arms around Wonwoo’s sides letting his tears to keep streaming down his face and falling on his best friend’s shirt. He felt like shit.

Wonwoo knew his best friend too well to know what was going through his mind in that moment; it wasn’t the first time this happened. He really loves a lot his best friend and thinks that he is one of the most amazing people in the planet along with his family and boyfriend and it hurted seeing him like this. Minghao wasn’t okay, well, it wasn’t as if he was any better, the scars on the back of his left hand and forearms could tell that very clear, but he wanted his best friend to be better than he was, he once talked about Minghao of his past psychologist and it didn’t ended well, so the only thing that was left was to let Minghao feel the love he needed to receive and he would be there for that.

Soon after Wonwoo kept caressing the Chinese’s back, he finally calmed down but didn’t let go off of him and it didn’t bothered him at all. He placed his chin over his head snuggling him closer if it was possible and fell in the bed with him still between his arms.

“Does my baby feel a bit better?” Wonwoo cooed caressing Minghao’s cheeks again. Minghao hummed “How many days haven’t you eaten?”

“11 or so”

“I did 10, do you want popcorn?” He nodded “Now?” He shook his head “Aw, my baby wants to stay in bed?”

“Shut up or I will kick your dick”

“Love you too”

“You know I do too asshole” Minghao whined placing small kisses all over his best friend’s face.

“Okay, Okay, calm down big boy, calm down” Wonwoo laughed and sat up helping Minghao too. “Let’s go down”

“Okep”

It was okay since they had each other at the end.

 

 

 

 

Minghao was in his default position over his bead. Upside down, head hanging from the end of the bed and arms stretched, almost like an upside down starfish; while Adam Lambert’s album played on repeat on the loudest volume possible through the speaker he had on his desk.

It was one of those days when he didn’t even feel like answering to anyone, included Mingyu, which is very rare, since, well; he had a deep crush on him. But this kind of days appeared here and there. He didn’t feel particularly sad at all, but he didn’t felt happy enough to play some random Korean girl group in the speakers instead of Adam Lambert’s Underneath.

He knew something was broke inside him, even since before he knew his disorder was a disorder, but he didn’t felt the need to look for help of a specialist. There was one time the psychologist of his school called him since he didn’t paid any attention to class and was sleeping through the lectures because of his insomnia; she gave him a test of “mark what you would do in each situation”, once he was done, she told him to come after break, which he did, and she said that he should look for professional help since he had 50% possibilities on committing suicide.

So that was about it. It was dumb, yeah, he knew it, of course, who wouldn’t?

He didn’t wanted to “heal”, he liked being sad, he liked the pain in his chest while in his face the pain wasn’t at all visible, he liked the random tears that would grow out of nowhere and stream down his face, he liked how dizzy he felt whenever he stood up after being seated for a while. He didn’t wanted all of that to go away, also

It wasn’t a serious problem after all, right?

The vibration in his phone that was over his belly made him flinch and almost fell from his bead, he answered at whatever number it was – he didn’t saved any number, he remembered them somehow –

“Hello?” He said in a rough whisper as his head being hanging from his bead.

“What’s with that voice?” He heard a laugh “What’s up?”

“Not much” he said finally pulling himself to rest completely on his bead after having the feeling that his head will fell out of his body if he stayed like that much longer.

“Do you want to have dinner with me? I know someone who works at the new barbecue place near the university”

Ugh

“I… I don’t feel well, sorry”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just…”

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Sure” He responded softly after a minute of complete silence “I will send you my address, I probably left the door open so just come in and go upstairs I don’t feel like leaving my bead alone”

The voice in the other line laughed “I’ll be there in 10, see you then”

He hummed and ended the call.

His head was really dizzy and he didn’t knew if it was whether his week off of food or the amount of thoughts that he had through the day, he can’t have his mind blank, he is always thinking, sometimes about himself, him, his family or the creation of the human race. He hated it but he couldn’t help it.

He was now lying on his back facing the ceiling, making his hip bones more prominent as well as his ribs, he traced his hand over them, he loved how his fingers where able to trace the way on each bone, it was his pride, and at the same time his goal, be able to feel them while standing as he does while lying down, he does a bit but not the same way as lying down and it made him mad but at the same time it motivated him.

“Hey”

He looked at his doorframe and hummed in response, not having enough energy to use his voice after the call. He thought about sitting over the bed, but it ended on just a thought.

“Good to see you too” Jeonghan stepped in and sat on the edge of Minghao’s bed brushing his bangs out of his face. Oh god he didn’t even had time of showering after working out in the morning, he fell completely asleep after that.

Whatever, he was at this point now. He let his head lean against his touch and ended up resting his head over Jeonghan’s lap covering himself more with the blankets.

“Are you okay?” the older said softly without stopping his hand “You look so pale”

“It’s because I stay inside almost all my life so yeah, the sun and I don’t get along well”

Jeonghan hummed “Whatever you say”

“Seriously” Minghao pouted moving to aside letting Jeonghan to sit comfortably on the bed.

“Is that Adam Lambert?”

“You know him?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“A lot of people, I really like his voice, he is amazing”

“Yeah…”

Soon after the room was completely in silence, Minghao with his head still resting on top of Jeonghan’s lap and the latter still brushing gently his bangs in different directions. It felt different from when it was Mingyu doing it, some feeling in his chest that wasn’t love at all that made him a bit nervous but at the same time really relaxed. How would Mingyu think if he saw him like this?... Was he really thinking about Mingyu while the whole point of this was to try to forget about him.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked while his fingers still caressed slowly over his bangs.

“Honestly?”

“Honestly if you want”

“Then no, I feel like shit” Minghao replied almost in a whisper feeling his eyes starting to burn slightly.

“Can I hug you?” Jeonghan said softly after a seconds of silence. Minghao nodded and soon after he was wrapped by the older’s arms as tears started to fall.

Jeonghan didn’t said a word. He remembered Wonwoo’s words when he talked to him the day before his first date with Minghao.

_“Ah, another thing”_

_“What is it?” Jeonghan turned before exiting the café._

_“He is a bit like me”_

_“In what way?”_

_Wonwoo rose up his left arm and pointed at it with his right one_

_“Oh”_

The sound of a phone interrupted the silence a little bit after. Jeonghan looked up to what he supposed was Minghao’s phone that was on his night table, “Gyu” it said on the screen.

Before he got to reach it he felt a pull in his hoodie and returned to Minghao.

“Don’t”

“It’s Mingyu though, don’t you want to-“

“Don’t” He sobbed almost pleading as he snuggled closer to the older.

Jeonghan did as told and returned to wrap Minghao in his arms placing a soft kiss on top of the other’s head. It affected more than he thought it would seeing him like this, broke; it also gives him a small feeling of wanting to punch Mingyu in the face for being so clueless to not notice that his best friend had a crush on him for 6 years.

Minghao felt so small, not only because he was crying in his chest but in general, he could feel the bones of his arms and shoulders what alarmed him at first touch that made him feel a punch in his chest. He really wanted to give Minghao the love he needed, he wanted to see him happy and that doesn’t meant specifically in a relationship but with himself. He will do it.

He won’t let him go away.

Not as he did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I'M SORRY I SAID I WOULD TRY TO POST SOON BUT I DIDN'T I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU COOKIES AND CAKE. I will try... this time, please don't give up in this novel, I will do my best please don't leave ;^; Thanks for reading! Really thank you from taking the time and reading my work (・∀・ )


	5. You don't deserve this

Wonwoo loved his family. By far he didn’t thought his beautiful family deserved a horrible son like him.

Still, it didn’t ment that he loved all his family.

His aunt was in town and decided to visit. She rarely came to visit them so he always forgets her name. Being in a family were as a kid every friend of your parents were called “aunt” or “uncle” didn’t helped at all.

It wasn’t the fact that his aunt was Cruella de Vil and wanted to take his skin off or something like that, but the fact that she liked to cook, and make other people eat the stuff she cooked. She didn’t cooked bad but it was the fact that she will chase you through the neighborhood just for you to take that single bite of mashed potatoes.

Last time she visited was last year, and she didn’t came without not telling beforehand as she always did, letting Wonwoo the opportunity to leave to Minghao’s house saying that they had planned a movie marathon since last week and they won’t have another day to do it because of last semester exams.

It wasn’t the same this year. The same miracle won’t come again that easily. He arrived home and he wanted to faint at the smell of boiling oil coming from the kitchen; he recognized the situation as soon as he saw the bags by the stairs.

His mother came at him from the kitchen with a concerned look as soon as he had closed the front door and started whispering to him that he could leave and go to Junhui’s or Minghao’s house and that they will cover him up.

His chest hurted. He loved his parents way too much. It broke his heart every occasion that made him realize that he was a horrible son to both of them. He felt like crying right there in the front door.

Without thinking it he hugged her and told her that he will stay and left to the kitchen to greet his aunt without letting his mother process what had just happened. He hadn’t eaten anything for four days but he just wanted to give his parents some piece from his shitty son.

 

 

And now he was here. Walking out of the new club from down the street feeling sick as ever, after throwing almost all of the acid that was inside his stomach along with all the food that he had just eaten; in a weak attempt of reaching Soonyoung’s house.

He a midway from his kind of walking realized that it was best to call him, so he did it, and he fainted in the ground.

 

 

Soonyoung, of course, freaked out hearing Wonwoo talking weirdly and he freaked the fuck out when he heard a thud and something hitting hard the ground. After like three seconds shouting to his phone he got up and started running to one side of the street and then another, now seeing his friend on the ground with his phone like a meter away from where he was along with his glasses.

Before  Soonyoung could move from the shook to actually doing something, Jihoon who was totally confused when he came down from the bedroom and saw the pillow and blanket that Soonyoung had on top of him when he left him to charge his phone, now hanging from the table and the door open, actually did something and started checking if Wonwoo was breathing or something, which luckily was the case, just that he looked dead apart from the bleeding bruise on his forehead.

Soonyoung finally moved and placed Wonwoo’s arm over his shoulder with Jihoon (somehow helping) on the other side after taking his phone and glasses and started heading to the house.

The first thing Wonwoo notices when he wakes up is that he isn’t in his house, that it isn’t 3pm and that his forehead and nose are burning. He saw beside him some movement and saw Jihoon placing a glass of water on the side table from the bed he was now lying in that realized it was Soonyoung’s.

“You want water or tea?” Jihoon said out of nowhere making him flinch a little.

“Uh, water is fine, thanks really” The younger nodded.

“I will tell Soonyoung you are up”

And with that he was left alone but not for so long. Like less than a minute after Jihoon left he heard stomps coming from the stairs and soon a blue head popped from the doorframe and now that blue head was crushing him.

“DUDE I THOUGHT YOU DIED WHAT THE FUCK, DON’T DO THAT”

“Soon, dear, I can’t breathe”

He really couldn’t and now Soonyoung placed himself beside him still over the bed with a pout over his face.

“Hey but seriously, what happened? I almost fainted when I saw you”

“It would be hilarious if some person watched two persons fainted on the ground facing each other”

“Hell yeah, but still!” Soonyoung stopped and reached for Wonwoo’s glasses that were on the side table putting them on him “Can I have the pleasure to know what exactly happened to you?”

Wonwoo sighed and explained the situation, since explaining how his aunt was and what happened after he left his house to go to the club to throw up in one of the stalls, Minghao had some stuff to deal with Jeonghan and he could only thrust his beloved close friend to go to. He didn’t went to Junhui’s because it will only worry him and maybe he will make him eat. He knew Jun wasn’t like that but the thought of him mad or disappointed scared him.

“Do you want something for your throat?”

“Not really, thanks though, it doesn’t hurts that much”

Soonyoung sighed and started caressing Wonwoo’s bangs.

“You won’t listen to me if I told you that you should stop?”

“For something you are my second-best friend”

“I swear to g- Minghao is too much” Soonyoung pouted again.

Both of them stayed still as they listened some quick stomps coming from the stairs followed by a soaked Junhui appearing in the room.

Wonwoo felt like fainting again.

Soonyoung ruffled Wonwoo’s hair one more time before quickly leaving the room closing the door behind him.

“Are you okay now?”

Junhui said softly while sitting on the spot where Soonyoung was before without changing the worried expression on his face.

“Kind of” Wonwoo’s voice broke a bit while talking. He regrets not taking that “something” that Soonyoung offered before, his throat did hurts. “Jun I’m sorry”

“You don’t need to apologize for anything”

“No, Jun, I said that I would try but jus- you don’t deserve this Junhui” He sat up looking at his boyfriend with watery eyes and quickly looking down where he finally started sobbing.

Jun called him but he really wasn’t in position to reply at all, soon after he felt Jun’s hands on his waist and now he was placed over his lap and a pair of long and strong arms were embracing him.

Junhui was the best person he has ever met. Junhui was one of his favorite people on earth apart from his family. He didn’t deserved someone as shitty, ugly and broke as him.

It was on times like this when he remembered the time he online dated with some dude when he was like 12 or something, that he never got to meet. It was on some weird talk in school when the teacher, doctor, that, told everyone that one can’t love a person if you don’t love yourself first.

Of course as a pre-teen 12 year old he thought it was stupid. “But I love ***, what the fuck, it isn’t real then?”

The thing is that he really didn’t loved that dude as much as he loved Junhui and well, now what that person said fell into place.

Sometimes he would suddenly feel a wave of positivism were he forgot the weight of all he believed and wanted to recover, just because recovering would mean that he would be able to love Junhui the way Junhui deserves to be loved, by someone who doesn’t keeps checking out other people’s body, not for sexual proposes, but it will either think “how the fuck can she/he be so skinny?” “Her legs are so thin and long” or “Thank god that I’m not like him”.

It’s easier said than done.

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry”

“No, don’t be” Minghao replied almost in a whisper.

Both of them remained in silence.

“You…” Minghao started “You don’t deserve this” He said with a creak in his voice while caressing the other’s cheek.

“You don’t deserve to feel like shit for him Minghao”

“I still do” The younger said while a pair of tears falling to each side of his face. “I love him so much it sucks” His voice broke again.

Silence again.

“Let’s forget a bit of him for a while… yeah?”

Minghao nodded and closed his eyes as Jeonghan leaned again to close their lips together.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks a lot for reading!!! I will try my best to keep up with the updates, please feel free to leave me any comment with your opinion, it would seriously help a lot! (Also wait for the drama, cause I love drama) I really want to do some one-shots, if you have any request feel free to ask! Thanks again for reading! Take care! ☆


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